Travelling on Beyond the Pond: Discernment

Gratitude. So grateful to be awakened, to be alive. The awakening described in my last post was part of a larger process, and I can perceive stepping stones that occurred even before, bringing me on to the present.

I recall many years ago, when my two daughters were young and taking Suzuki violin lessons. There were two Suzuki teachers in my small town and we had combined group lessons Fridays. One of the teachers is a Catholic nun, Sister Marion.

Sister Marion is affiliated with a convent in Milwaukee, WI and invited another friend and I to go with her to a retreat led by Fr. Thomas Green. A retreat on Discernment. I think his book, Darkness in the Marketplace, was new. Actually, the retreat was for sisters only, but because Sister Marion had brought us, we were able to come to the lectures.

Something I took from the lectures: I understood Fr. Green to be describing a tendency to project whatever is in the present into the future, to imagine I know, based on this projection, where God is sending me. However, discernment requires openness to change direction along the way. Even after being prompted and redirected, like others, I tend to look ahead again and imagine I know where God is sending me.

The man who aroused my interest earlier this month graciously and kindly informed me that he is involved with someone. I know the importance of the connection was for me to awaken and live. It has been amazing. I am open to a new future, to love and joy and peace.

Waves in the pond

The words of Lisbeth Salandar come to mind; "what the fuck." I'm living my life, happy, enjoying home and solitude when not at work, liking and appreciating my work, loving my dog, spending weekly time catching up with friends, mentoring and admiring adult children, adoring my granddaughter, traveling to stay in touch with and help aging parents, music, movies, reading, knitting, poetry, raking leaves and so forth. I believe in the "good enough" life. And, it is good enough! 'Til, in an unexpected moment no different than any other moment an ordinary man enters a room and I am jolted, slammed, into the thought, "I want that man to call me," quickly followed by the recognition "you're not dead yet, Snoozin'." I have been, and am, content not having romance and major interest or responsibility with another adult in my life, and this upheavel of life and spirit occurs?!! I'll not say more....Well, I have realized and acted on the decision to once again become more intentional about staying active. In spite of the disorienting slam, I'm getting myself out the door, including going back to International Folk Dancing. There it is, I'm burning off some energy and gaining a different semblence of equilibrium so I can figure out what's next. I'm not dead yet! Like Lisbeth, think I'll lay low while I figure things out.

My father said several things that I fall back on as good advice. A physicist, in his parenting he had several opportunities (lol) to remind me, "you never do just one thing."

By the way, my dog situation has changed, again. Abby is living with my ex-husband after attacking Lily when she came home after being spayed. Lily went to live with my older daughter after the birth of my granddaughter in exchange for her dog that was not safe around babies and children. So, I have my daughter's former doggie, Osa, a chow-sharpei (sp) mix. I have loved all my doggies, but Osa--I call her O So Awesome Fluffer-Woofer. She fluffs and she woofs very well. If I could find my digital camera I'd post a picture.